From
Around The Web:
Cheers
to the Yahoo! Mail services splash screen. For maybe nine months
in a row, it's been two teen lesbians with their legs spread
open, sitting on bean bags:
For the last time:
women have no business having e-mail addresses. The Internet is
for men only. We don't take leaks in your private powder
rooms, do we? So keep out of our little clubhouses and chat
rooms.Your sole purpose here is very much object-oriented. And look
out from behind - the whole world's about to steamroll you gals
flat into the ground.
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CLASSIFIED
SUPPLEMENTAL
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| Mature,
big-boned, Christian woman seeks MARRIAGE, COMMITTMENT, KIDS. No smokers!
No drinkers! No drug users and no liars! x3493 |
| Elderly,
bearded "dad' character seeks slim, smooth, chubby-cheeked pre-teen
Asian or Latino boys for extended mutual cocksucking sessions. Must
not be shy in the bathtub. x5949 |
| Where
are the HOTTIE chicks who just like to fuck or have three-ways? Me
= white, 19 year old skater boy, trying to grow a goatee. I'm also
a Visual Basic programmer and part-time DJ. x8838 |
| Almost-passable
37-year-old transvestite $eeks $pecial arrangement with generou$,
$incere, $eriou$, financially $ucce$$ful $upportive gentlemen only.
x2358 |
 The
Church of Domino's Pizza
Domino's Pizza founder
Tom Monaghan has kindly proposed the construction of a 250-foot
crucifix, complete with a 40-foot Jesus in his hometown of Ann Arbor,
Michigan.
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| The
Kidnapped Journalist Nobody Cared About |
| NEW YORK - The group
that claims it's kidnapped a Wall Street Journal reporter in Pakistan
threatened to kill him within 24 hours unless the U.S. government
releases Pakistani prisoners held in the Afghan war. Then they “extended”
the deadline. |
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| WHEEZE, CHOKE. Nice try.
What on earth do you kidnappers think our government has to gain by
keeping another Wall Street Journal reporter alive and in business?
Nice Star Trek uniform. Christ, as soon as he's back in the
United States he'll be dealt with in our own special way. Click,
click! |
"I-I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR PRYING INTO ENRON AND CLINTON'S
P-PRIVATE B-BUSINESS." |
FACTS,
FIGURES & FACTS
Courtesy Rotten Dot Com
Most Popular H.R. Requests
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Can
I have a blowjob? |
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Please
can I have a blowjob? |
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I'd
like a blowjob! |
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Give
me a blowjob. |
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WHERE
IS MY BLOWJOB. |
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I
love you. |
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Undeclared |
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Laughter:
The Best Medicine
Today's Online Cybertoon
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 Death,
War, Theft
The family of the first
U.S. servicewoman killed in Afghanistan returned from the funeral
to find their home had been burglarized.
"We left the grave site and I had to make a pit stop at the house
to pick up a car when we noticed the door was kicked in."
Oh, BOO HOO. When my house was broken
into, the burglars kicked the bong over. And they just left
it there: filthy, dirty, sticky water soaking into the carpet. Fortunately
I was able to rent an HR steam cleaning machine from the Safeway
two blocks down the street. I guess we know who the real heroes
are.
|
 Suicide
Child
ARKANSAS - A 3-year-old
boy accidentally hanged himself on a rope swing while playing in
a tree, police said.
Accidentally? More like he was one of those accelerated gifted
students who recognized the pros and cons of remaining alive on
a planet where "swings" are considered sufficient entertainment
for today's young people. Get some electricity you backwoods huckleberries
and help Zelda save the kingdom of Hyrule.
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 Radioactive
Urine
An adult absorbent diaper
from Newport Hospital filled with radioactive urine set off the
radiation meter at the transfer station last week, said Eric White,
hospital spokesman.
 A
radioactive substance setting off a radiation detector? It just
doesn't add up.
And how is radioactive urine any different from regular
urine? Both make my wife legitimately unhappy when I hose it across
her sleepy face. Good morning, sunshine! Take that.
God, I want a divorce. Get out of my home, I wish you were dead.
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Sound
Off America!
Letters To The Gaping Maw
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| Hearing
you describe Wen Ho Lee as a "faggot" compelled me to
write. He is in fact of Asian descent, likely Korean or Chinese. |
Carol Shively
Rock Springs, NM |
| Never
in all my life have I written a letter to a journalistic publication,
and I certainly do not intend to start now. |
Ed
Ames
Nature's Cove, WI |
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Click here to share YOUR
thoughts and feelings!
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THE
PUZZLER...
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ACROSS
1. Rhymes with "sock"
3. What a woman sucks on
DOWN:
2. Synonym, "dick"
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Highlight
the text below to see the solution to yesterday's Puzzler!
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| >>
Each
tit is worth exactly one dollar. |
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Minnesota
Democrat Richard Shales squirks up his face into a bizarre question-mark
shape while listening to allegations he strangled twenty children
and chopped their heads off. He hung up the phone without saying
anything, and follow-up calls to the home were not received.
Vietnamese
biology student Trang Phang Po sits and sulks after hitting on a member
of the cheerleading squad. Me so lonely. Get a job, dude.
Hello,
I recognize that my face is slightly crooked, but I still manage to
resemble Bentley from The Jeffersons.
Meanwhile,
chemistry teacher Richard Barnes works overtime to process and distill
quality GHB for graduating high school students.