| Mo
Betta Greta (Redux) |
| Greta Van Susteren,
47, was awarded the American Bar Association Presidential Award for
Excellence in Journalism. She's represented high-profile clients in
criminal cases in federal and supreme courts. Ten years ago, she was
brought aboard as a legal analyst for CNN, but the other day she jumped
ship to Fox News. |
 |
| Part of her
Fox News hiring bonus included a full-on girlie makeover: eye
surgery, bottle-blonde hair bleach, and more “sophisticated”
studio lighting. Talk about FOXY!! Can we just get porn stars
to do the news, please? |
 |
| Please
Be Advised... |
|
Attention
all passengers. If you must ditch a hooker without paying,
please act in accordance with the following safety instructions:
|
 |
|
CLASSIFIED
SUPPLEMENTAL
|
| FREE
kitty litter, cat boxes, dripping overstuffed garbage bags. x2818 |
| PLEASE
kill my mom she does not let me take car, she say i have
to work full time, she get mad at grades but i say fuck you!! i say
to kill her or find someone NO COPS x2120 |
| Any
GUYS WHO DANCE??? I'm a free-spirited fun-loving Burning Man kinda
gal who loves hiking, biking, kayaking, snowboarding, windsurfing,
traveling, camping, exotic foods, yoga, firedancing - anything ACTIVE!!
No sex please, I was raped ten years ago. x7765 |
| Overweight?
Personal trainer will knock you down, straddle and fuck your face.
Wake up refreshed, self-conscious. x3493 |
| ***JESUS***
has big plans for you. x6099 |
| Oddly
Enough!! |
CROWN
POINT, N.Y. -- A man with a rifle killed his girlfriend and a state
trooper Monday, then shot himself to death!
SAN DIEGO -- An estranged father shot his ex-wife and her spouse to
death before turning the gun on himself!
CONNECTICUT -- A family of four was discovered shot to death in their
suburban home!
IOWA -- A Sioux City teenager has been charged with shooting his mother
and father... to death! |
|
Laughter:
The Best Medicine
Today's Online Cybertoon
|
 |
|
|
CLICK
HERE TO READ
PART ONE
The Dead Zone
PART
TWO OF TWO |
SAN
FRANCISCO -
Bicycling advocates contribute little to civic pride apart from
chaotic, claustrophobic events like Critical Mass on Market
street, a yearly event where thousands of cyclists choke up
the Financial district.
The joke
is either Critical Mess or Critical Massacre.
Bikers swish into traffic and zip around cars. As rush-hour
traffic grinds to a halt, so does the commuters' interest in
these cyclists' environmental concerns. There's screaming, punching,
fighting, horn honking and bell ringing.
Gee, do
you think the police know how to handle a tense situation
like this? Of course they do: out come the batons. WHAM WHAM
WHAM. One by one, each cyclist is knocked to the pavement without
warning.
Then it's
into the "hold" for serious, permanent injury. Officers
yank the twisted limbs of the restrained in all manner of difficult,
painful ways. Take that you goddamn shouting, screaming
idiots.
So
anyway, when Valencia street ditched two full lanes of traffic
and installed bike lanes, the entire city wondered what
up? Special treatment all of a sudden?
The explanation might actually be entertaining if it weren't
so goddamn commonplace.
San Francisco
has a parking problem. Each evening after work, thousands of
car owners fight aggressively to secure any kind of temporary
space. The Dead Zone, the blank, inviting island lane in
the middle of Valencia street is prime real estate where
desperate commuters often turn to stash their cars overnight.
And hey
hey, wouldn't you know it: right by 18th street is the
Mission District police station, maintaining round the  clock
surveillance. One anonymous night club bouncer believes cops
plant "seed cars" in the Dead Zone - cars which encourage
frazzled drivers to line up and follow suit. The minute you're
out of sight, police set you up with a $75.00 parking ticket
followed by a $200 visit to the towing yard.
 |
And
your car won't be released until all your outstanding
parking tickets are paid. You'll probably be forced
to get a goddamn bicycle. |
So what
are you bitching about, lady? Damned if you do, damned
if you don't. Welcome to the world outside of your own house
where everyone needs money and everybody gets screwed. Bruises
or financial ruin, your choice. |
|
|
|
| Spotlight:
Cripples |
 |
Alaska
Airlines is firmly committed to spreading awareness of three warning
signs a passenger on your coach may be disabled.
 |
Lazy
"slacker" attitude, often seen stoned or slumped over
in a wheeled chair. |
 |
Misanthropic,
preferring to spend time in the company of animals. |
 |
Asian
appearance: Japanese, Chinese, Taiwanese, Vietnamese, Korean,
Hawaiian, Hongkongian |
|
| A
N A G R
A M S !
! ! |
 |
STRAPON MACE PEN.
CAN'T PEEP ON A MRS.
MOPE, SNAP, RECANT.
NO CRAP: MEN A PEST.
A TENSE PORN CAMP.
PANTS
CREAM? NOPE. |
|
The
Jive Filter
Catholic Pedophile News |
 HARLEM
-- Roman Cadolic Cardinal Bernard Law, unda increasin' pressuh t'step
waaay down as de archdiocese's child sex abuse scandal widens, gots'ta
vowed not t'step nowheres.
"When deres the problems in de family, ya' duzn't walk away. Slap
mah fro, y'gotsta wo'k dem out togeda' wid God's help," he saids at
the Mass. The word is up. |
|
Sound
Off America!
Letters To The Gaping Maw
|
| I
LIKE THE STUFF ON ROTTEN .COM I THINK IT IS VERY TITE. I ALSO THINK
IT'S VERY COOL TO.BUT SOME OF THE THINGS ON THERE ARE BORING. |
|
Hdmcbubba2@aol.com |
| The
Gaping Maw Is disgusting.. You should be ashamed of yourself and will
never see the afterlife! |
| stile@stileproject.com
|
| your
web site wilgl be shut down dew to health prblems cort datr HAY HAVE
A GOOD fDAY fuck you hogg Get more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer
download |
| mikeynikey66@msn.com
|
| i
fuckin hate audiogalaxy |
| DeeJayLoca@aol.com
|
| did
you realize there are more than twice as many woman in this world
than men good luck trying to get rid of us |
| Curlyfox3@aol.com
|
|
Click here to share YOUR
thoughts and feelings!
|
|
THE
PUZZLER
|
|
Solve
for mate. White to throw the board across the room, black to
pick the pieces up off the floor and maybe get a girlfriend someday.
|
|
|
Highlight
the text below to see the solution to yesterday's Puzzler!
|
| >>
Long enough to poke through the tiny hole in
the bathroom stall partition. |
|
