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February 20, 2002
The Gaping Maw Digest - Wednesday February 20 2002


A ROTTEN DOT COM Publicational Wednesday February 20 2002 - FREE
Information, Features, Editorials, Instruction Serving the Delicate Intellect

The People in Your Neighborhood

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Shut Up Shut Up Shut Up
Portraits in Humility

Kyle Baker, cartoonist and crap maker
“I make people laugh. That's my job. People with difficult, important jobs and responsibilities use my work to make them smile and temporarily forget their troubles. I don't know if my job is worth money or worthy of respect, I only know that it is my job. It's what I do best, what I do better than most. I believe I have a gift for humor and I see it as my duty to share my gift with others.”

CLASSIFIED SUPPLEMENTAL

FOR SALE "Little John" portable urinal container. Holds 3 1/2 bottles of beer. x4439

A Basket of Puppies

MADISON, WI - Six Rottweilers attacked and killed a 10-year-old girl while she was visiting a friend's house in a small town in Wisconsin. Elroy Police Chief Nick Dub said the house “was a pigsty” with trash strewn about.


Sound Off America!
Letters To The Gaping Maw

after watching the movie terminator me and my friends started discussing what we would do if we had a terminator
skcusloa@hotmail.com
they call it "P.M.S." because "Mad cow disease" was taken
dglewis62@yahoo.com
Are you guys just being lazy or do you have no clue.
GilmanCh@grc.nia.nih.gov
send me the photo x*({{ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Sports - Coverage of the 2002 Olympic Games_
hmuley@yahoo.com

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Oddly Enough!!

Denver, CO -- A high school computer and photography teacher was charged Wednesday with sexually assaulting one of his male students over a three-year period!

Provo, UT -- A high school biology teacher was charged Wednesday with groping two female students!

Brunoski, MO -- A high school P.E. teacher was charged Wednesday with fondling a seventeen year-old developmentally disabled student in the boiler room!


Laughter: The Best Medicine
Today's Online Cybertoon


Pakistan Testing New Advanced Weaponry

Pakistani scientists have developed a new missile called the Shaheen II, and are ready to test it. With this missile, Pakistan can target distant Indian cities, such as Madras and Calcutta.
“Pakistan's missile technology is more accurate and advanced than India's,” said Samar Mubarikmand, who is in charge of the Shaheen missile project. “This fact has been recognized by international experts.”
Meanwhile, Charlie Shaheen is best known for his role in the 1989 film Major League, periodical drug overdoses, and a positive political stance on prostitution.

LiveJournal -vs- LiveJournal!
YIPPY!!! [sun feb 17 2002]
I am SO SO EXCITED to do E with my new boyfriend tonight. He says its real mellow and it should be a blast. I'm bringing over a few cd's, some bottles of water and plenty of chewing gum. I am so in love it makes me sick! But in a good way. It's been such a long time for me. A series of clumsy, forgettable relationships all in a row makes me think I deserve something positive for once.
current mood: BOUNCY!!
post comment
:: SIGH :: [mon feb 18 2002]

i can't believe i suffocated what's her name to death and had to dissolve bits of her down the bathtub last night. what a fuckin joke. just say no to drugs, i guess. and i have to work today, which sucks the shit. still waiting for my new pentium pro to arrive.

current music: front 242

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Ebert's 2002 Oscar Picks
Your Local Cineplex

“..Rollerball is an incoherent mess. Characters set up big revelations and then forget to make them. And the long, murky night sequence looks like it was shot, pointlessly, with the green-light NightShot feature on a consumer video camera..

..John Q is the kind of movie Mad magazine prays for. It is so earnest, so overwrought and so wildly implausible that it begs to be parodied..

..Watching Slackers I was appalled by the poverty of its imagination. Details are labored while the big picture remains unpainted. Consider a scene where the hero's roommate sings a duet with a sock puppet on his penis. Consider a scene where we cut away from the hero and the heroine to join two roommates just long enough for a loud fart.”


Youth Art Contest Winner!

After reviewing thousands of entries for January's Gaping Maw Youth Art contest, six year old Sheila Silverman from Toronto, Ontario has walked away with the $25.00 grand prize. Below is Sheila's winning entry in the “My Family” category! We would like to thank all the children who participated for their time, effort, and creativity.

Hilariousness in Real Life


THE PUZZLER

Can you match each celebrity to his or her toilet habits? Hint: some are vegetarians! Use letter-number combinations.

Highlight the text below to see the solution to yesterday's Puzzler!

>> Black people and white people of all ages hate each other.

( Posted by Rotten Staff )

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