|
Oh,
That Grinch!
|
 |
|
Every Who
down in Whoville
Liked smoking a lot.
"I'll put this in their stockings," he said.
"Not just pot."
|
 |
|
"I'll
get them addicted
To needles and spoons!
They'll fork over dollars
And euro-doubloons!"
|
 |
|
So he blowjobbed
himself
Down the chimney with care
But sadly got stuck
In his new underwear.
|
|
Let's
Never Forget
|
 GREENBAY,
WI - In honor of the victims and heroes of September 11, artist Gregor
Jan derVilks has sculpted two large “shits” resembling either
the number eleven or a representation of the World Trade towers. This
exhibit will remain open to the public through April 20 of this year,
then flushed. |
|
CLASSIFIED
SUPPLEMENTAL
|
| ANTIQUE
ICE BOX. Glass front, cherrywood oak w/galvanized tin interior.
Six shelving units, dead grandmother inside. You pick up. x7091 |
| HUGE
COMIC BOOK COLLECTION for sale! Powerpuff Girls, Clerks, Amazing
Spider Man, X-Men, also Magic: The Gathering cards. Will take $1000
or sex with wife/daughter x5793 |
| WORK
FROM HOME? YES! Unique video distribution company seeks unique
fresh-faced talent for unique kidnapping and forced prostitution home-based
business. x2829 |
|
Laughter:
The Best Medicine
Today's Online Cybertoon
|
 |
|
|
Army
Rules 50% Gay
NOT GAY ENOUGH |
 |
NORTH CAROLINA
- For nineteen months, 17-year Army veteran Capt. David Donovan has
made four resignation requests. Reason: he's come to regard himself
as bisexualicious! But Army officials have not only refused
these requests, they've questioned the credibility of his claims.
 |
| Above:
a tank |
“There is [simply] insufficient evidence that any [homosexual]
conduct has occurred,” wrote Maj. Gen. Raymond Barrett Jr., commander
of the U.S. Army Training Center at Fort Jackson.
“I'm just trying to do what I believe is right,”
Donovan said from his hotel room. Sources suggest he may seek work
in the private sector leading troops of bisexual Boy Scouts. |
 |
|
True
Tales of COURAGE
|
| Joe
Ternasky and his brother were in Los Angeles flipping through YANK
magazine, an escort service yellow pages. There they found a listing
for a young entrepreneur working under the name Mistress Wee Wee: |
 |
|
So
sure, what the hell. Joe calls the number for kicks. Two rings,
and a timid young girl answers.  She
can't be more than five years old. More kids are heard in the background.
"H-hello?" she says.
"Good afternoon," says Joe. "Is Mistress Wee
Wee there?"
"Hang on," the child replies. Then
she cups the receiver with one hand and shouts Mom!
down the hallway as loud as she can.
"That's when I hung up," recalls Ternasky.
|
|
And
Speaking Of Girls
|
"Don't
just drink for thirst," begs the Go-Go energy drink promotional material.
"Drink for action, road-trips, jet-lag, all-nighters, race-day, party-haze,
getting-it-on, cold-busting, liquid lunch, peace-potion!"
Go-Go(TM) Sexy Energy is targeted at
the techno-generation, a 15-25 year old market who's on the
go!
In December, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Church
condemned its advertising campaign for encouraging promiscuity and
turning "every social event for young girls into a potential sexual
experience."
No matter. Every fucking girl in the world now thinks
she personally resembles the cartoon illustration on the Go-Go
energy drink cans.
Hey, ladies: of course you look like the Go-Go girl.
Space-age Pokemon flapper broads with short hair, big dumb eyes, dopey
smiles and panties partially visible through ill-fitting thrift store
cocktail dresses are a dime a dozen. Go dildo-battle it out
with the Amelie lookalikes and leave the rest of us alone. |
|
|
|
Dear
Abby,
|
|
 I'm
a thirteen year old girl whose boyfriend got arrested last week,
all thanks to you. He came to you for HELP because our sex life
had grown routine. He wanted to know more about orgasms, THAT'S
ALL. He was not looking to be snitched on to the cops, arrested,
his computer seized and his life ruined.  Sensitive
adult men genuinely interested in meeting younger women online are
a rarity. Therefore, from now on, my friends and I intend to direct
the bulk of our queries about boys and sex to the Car Talk guys.
|
Sincerely,
FUCK
YOU |
|
Sound
Off America!
Letters To The Gaping Maw
|
| Yesterday
I got laid and I found out I'm too fuckin' big |
|
OVERFIEND187@aol.com |
| i
like cake |
| infant_eater@hotmail.com
|
| [the item which was here was inaccurate] |
| [removed] |
| u
guys dont understand islam so means that u r a gay and i m sure that
i dont care about ur opinioun |
| ahmed100@hotmail.com |
|
Click here to share YOUR
thoughts and feelings!
|
|
THE
PUZZLER
|
|
Super
Sleuth! Resolve all five clues across the squares to reveal
the secret word in red. Pictorial assistance offered.
|
|
|
1.
Men like to squeeze a woman's _ _ _ _ _
2. Let bygones be _ _ _ _ _ _ _
3. Kicked in the _ _ _ _
4. Stuck in your _ _ _ _ all day
5. Sadly the fetus was _ _ _ _ _ _ _
|
|
Highlight
the text below to see the solution to yesterday's Puzzler!
|
| >>
Professor Plum
did it in the Study with Colonel Mustard << |
|
STEP
THREE: Crank the microwave up to HIGH and press START. Distract
other employees from observing the colorful sparks and pops coming
from within.